Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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