Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
