Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
what the fuck happened to the tacos
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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