i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
