porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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