drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
being pregnant is like rehab
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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