no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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