I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
