Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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