Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
