Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
