If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Randomize
