Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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