Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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