awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
