So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
