PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
