She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
