You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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