so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i've created a new STD.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
