just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
