Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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