Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
