She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just gargled with NyQuil
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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