Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
