I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
