I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
