He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Holy shit dude........stairs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
