Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
