She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
