well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
