Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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