i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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