that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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