On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
