Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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