Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
