he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
