You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
