is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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