Moan for me like Helen Keller
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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