I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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