mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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