so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
