His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
