Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
