The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
