How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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