Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
