i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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