Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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