let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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