I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i drank out of a bidet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
