Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
