I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
