So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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