He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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