He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize