You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
