I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
