but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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