The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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