oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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