I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
