Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
