my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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