hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
