I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
