First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
