Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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