he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I just sharted jello shots
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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