I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
