Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up under a house in Key West
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