Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
