lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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