You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My vagina is very pro this idea
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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