Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
