I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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