i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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