Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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