i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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